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Entry: what is this Monday, January 24, 2005

i don't know what is going on with me these days

there is this vague disinterest in every single thing
all philosophies seem redundant
even my own many philosophies, those that i dish out to anyone who cares to ask
a loss of interest

iam not disinterested
just not interested, as strange as that sounds
i've tried to wonder if this is a result of my religion, my upbringing, my social life,
or maybe just something superficial that can be fixed by a hair transplant lol
it isnt
iam now officially way beyond disinterested
and i seem to be speaking like a madman these days

saying whatever i wish

oh i just pulled the headphones off
the phones on the t.v.
no philosophy helps
and oh prozac, why do i still evade you?
and oh eventuality(god bless euphemisms), why do i still fear you?
and oh music, why do i crave you when there is silence, and why do i crave silence when i have you
iam not a martyr,never want to be one..

this is a strange feeling still..
i dont know what is wrong
'living is easy with eyes closed'-the beatles

13 comments


	kensaymage July 8, 2005 07:51 AM PDT mb death near... not physical deth.. but death to you old self... mb it's time to reorganise your allighment...


	Mo March 22, 2005 05:33 AM PST Hey kid!! How you doing?? Unscratched, unharmed, all fine, I hope? Shaken but obviously but otherwise alright, I pray.... will talk to you....


	Name February 25, 2005 02:05 AM PST My man!!I have been blogging endlessly about the same problem...Iam patiently waiting for the next stuff to hit me.They name the identity crisis.Fk! I still have no idea how i came to your blog btw.Lots of trails unexplained...:-)


	astrophene February 16, 2005 01:50 PM PST Maybe you're just bored. :P


	Swamy February 16, 2005 01:34 PM PST Chek with your music department if they have a recording facility for students. Put up flyers or small ads in the student newspaper or local newsletter for other musicians to jam with.


	Swamy February 16, 2005 01:32 PM PST atleast 1.5 years more :( Just hang in there srik. Try something different or new. Plug in your guitar to a computer, record your playing, and email it to me at swamy123@gmail.com I'll try and add a tabla track to it and some synths and some noise and we'll make an Indian spirited Radiohead :)


	srik February 12, 2005 02:03 AM PST i dont know da...edho aaradhu,,,no clues wtsoever...how close to graduation are you?


	Swamy February 1, 2005 11:00 AM PST keep moving bro. Life's not linear that you can look back and forward to orient yourself. Stop looking for direction. You are there :)


	srik January 31, 2005 02:07 PM PST hey m, nice to hear from you... this feels like a total weird haze...almost like i cant recall where ive been and where iam going.... i mean....i feel like i was this little kid one minute and all of a sudden iam 25 having to worry about blood sugar levels...and...its happening so fast in slow motion... its like one of those weird movies where the guy says 'i dont even know if we are having this conversation'...


	M January 31, 2005 02:29 AM PST Why else do you think sleeping is the best sin to indulge in? Sleep my life away if I could.... ....this would prolly sound terribly affected and conjured up, but I have been going through the EXACT phase for the past month or so....and to make it easier for me to make some clumsy sense out of it, I term my non-interest-but-not-disinterest that ubiquitous word of all - "midlife crisis". Its as though I can't be interested enough to give a damn anymore...I give up all learned and inherited and created philosophies for ever new ones and they still seem redundant and half baked and superficial, cosmetically enhanced, no more. Not real, not meaningful in anyway So, how are you kid? Is it that we lack meaning in life/our lives or are we redefining "meaning". Wish there were a pill for this condition, for whatever's wrong, let me find one more person ailing from it and maybe we could begin to think of doing something about it... ....Funny thing is that I am not even sure I want to do anything about it either! You see what I mean?


	Swamy January 28, 2005 05:08 PM PST Ya, still at Penn :( I started a couple of bands though, and I jam/play out every other day. I'm compiling a demo cd for my bands, will let you know when we put samples online. You will like it I think. It is all experimental and improv. (the guitarists are quite good. I play percussion, flute and piano) Nee eppadi erukke ? How's research ?


	srik January 28, 2005 01:21 PM PST eppudi irukkey da...still in penn?


	Swamy January 26, 2005 05:44 PM PST You might be coming close to enlightenment. hehehehe !!!! :) Hang in there dude. I just got out of that phase last week. No, no prozac, just a girl. Girls work. Words don't mean anything, you're probably tired of them by now... maybe you're a little tired of music as well, just need to find another authentic way to communicate. Touching and feeling might help I thinks. And all that silent talk and stuff. You know way too much about life and that is affecting you.

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