i realized that this is the first time in my life i have been all by myself in a new place..

and now comes this realization....instigated in part by your latest blog, ambika....http://meanderingchaos.rediffblogs.com/

iam beginning to realize that my current avatar as a sentimental fool leads to nothing but emotional, hypersensitive overcontemplatation and effectively, pseudo intellectual drivel.

and now i have started to look for inspiration elsewhere...

anyone who's made it past my age uninstitutionalized is a good place for me to start...

and i realize that in the end all i want is the austerity to face life with a purpose..

and the purpose being to do something, anything..whatever the fuck...

but to DO more and think less...

who said age adds maturity?

all i have become is this whiny, self-obsessed piece of crap that i personally wouldnt stand to be around.

this cold horrible feeling of being constantly the victim of a world that never understands....

the nice warmth of depression in the headphones as i float through the crowd.

only to repeat.

pointlessly trying to build a wall and hopelessly stumbling, tripping over shoelaces.

paranoid as heck.

i declare...i accept...i confess...i have made myself the king of the fucking universe.

one thats too afraid to sit on the throne yet too egoistic to let go.

what started as an attempt to purge myself of me....has ended in yet more confusion.